hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
