I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
