How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
