So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
