Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
