yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
