When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
