if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
