Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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