I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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