Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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