life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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