Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
