What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
