Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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