1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
