I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
