I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
