If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
