I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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