i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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