what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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