she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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