so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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