i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
