Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
