How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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