If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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