I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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