I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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