i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
