I can feel you judging me through the phone.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
