just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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