what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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