You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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