Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
