She announced her abortion via fbk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
