I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize