Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
