I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
