She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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