I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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