And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
