laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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