hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
thus making me awesome and them whores
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
