is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
