Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
