this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
