Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
