I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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