and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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