Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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