I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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