I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
