His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
