got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
