you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I stole a fireplace last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
