hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
