i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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