drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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